In Between

It has been a week ever since the last response noticed from her. The condition of her health was getting worse in every second. Tears, mourns and prayers had never failed to echo the ICU ward, the ward where my princess, Jane had been ‘sleeping’ for almost three month after the terrifying accident ,she was struck by a lightning while playing handball with her other nine teammates . According to Dr. Claire the probability for her to at least being conscious was 5 percent to none as they had tried countless medications either modern or traditional both would end with failure. Looking at her condition which hardly could be recognized, I was drowned into the ocean of memory which I believed it will never dried as, if it does I’d died then.

Jane was the most priceless gift that God had ever granted to me and Louis, my husband. Having her as part of me for nine months, welcoming her to the world and raising her up was the best experience that I won’t forget. We were the happiest family in town at least in my own thought. Sadly Jeannette’s father had died in a car crash before Jane could utter the word ‘papa’.

I worked three times harder, from dawn to sunset as for me there was no such thing as rest. No sighs or whines enunciated since I would do anything just to ensure that my little princess would live a blissful childhood just like her peers. Well, not too much to say my sacrifices paid off.

Jane Stewart

At 11 she was accepted to Wycombe Abbey School, the most prestigious boarding school in England and that had enough to embrace her intelligence. Though she was the brightest among all of her friends she would never give a gesture of haughty. In fact she would please to teach her friends and showed her genuine respects regardless of one’s background. Jane also has a talent, the talent which I encouraged her to work hard on, and the talent which almost snatched her from me which is she was totally excellent in playing handball.

Her coach and teammates would call her as ‘the killer’ since she was totally good in playing handball .Her presence would terrify their opponents since her team would be indomitable, in fact she was chosen as the National Athlete for the Olympic Games in 2020.

Jane's School

If I could turn back time, if I had refrained her from playing handball, and if I could just make her free from that excruciating situation, “O God please do listen to my prayer”. “I never asked for more just show me the way to help my Jane.”He answered my prayer yes maybe not that quick but eventually He did.

“Mrs. Judy? I’m sorry for disturbing you but there is something that we need to discuss err, maybe in my office?”Dr Claire had waked me up from my reverie. During the discussion she told me that there’s almost no chance for my daughter to be cured and there was only two choices available. First, letting Jane to stay in suffer while I keep hoping for her to be at least better or I could just end her affliction by losing her from my life forever. According to her the procedure is known as euthanasia or mercy killing.

I hate both of the choices as none of it made me feels better. I became hopeless but knowing that my princess needed my support I denied the feelings of being spineless. I gained my motivation back by signing up a support group, where almost all of its members were facing the very same conflicts as mine. At that particular group, I met Mary as well, the one who fired up my spirit, and reminded me how much Janette needs me to be strong, as strong as an iron lady I'd say.

I told Mary about the choices that I had for my daughter. I found it hard to think it alone as that was a huge decision as it was regarding my daughter’s life. I couldn’t stand seeing Jane’s body keep swelling from time to time, having this futile hope to see her back to what she was before. But by agreeing with the mercy killing procedure it was like as if I was trying to kill my one and only child. 

Tears streams fast while I was letting all the things that what was kept in my heart to Mary. She hugged me and later said “Judy if it is so complicated try to not focusing too much on how you would survive, instead, think how would Jane face days of torment which no one knows when it would ends. Think it wisely Judy but with mind and heart not together with emotions. I believe you know the best for your child”. I was startled as I realized after all this while what I did was being selfish without thinking of Jane’s torturing condition.

27^th of May, that was the date when I had make up my mind after considering Mary’s advise and being benevolent to myself and Janette, I went for the second choice . Yes it was hard for me so does for her friends and teachers. I gave my final word to Dr. Claire and she hugged me while saying “I am glad to see that you realized what is the best for you daughter”

Jane's mother, Judy Stewart

The forms of agreement was ready I took my time while my mind kept reminiscing the fantastic time that I had with Janette, her friends and teachers were there with me inside her ward. The weather were simply flawless and as if they were giving me the sign that I was doing the right decision. I took a deep breath and put down my simplest signature.

The moment when the nurses were removing the wire of life support machine from Janette, I felt calm. Though I thought I would feel miserable at first but I turned out I felt never better. Jane had left me, her friends, teachers and joined her ‘papa’ up there. Her friends mourn for her death as Jane was the most amicable that they ever had .I could see her face smiling as if she was telling that she thanked me for releasing her from the torturing condition. As for me I was relieved since I’ve taken the right step for me and Janette.

There was I standing in front of Jane’s funeral in the autumn, the seventh autumn I’d say after she passed away. I purposely planted a mapple tree beside her grave so that I would know how long she had leave me and seeing that the tree grew beautifully I’d knew she had a pleasant life with her ‘papa’.

-The End-